So Jayde what have you been up to?

(said with a really annoying fake American accent) SO WHAT’S NEW GUYS?

(With a Bristolian accent) i’m having a new website built at the moment as WordPress is only good if you write a lot of blogs. I don’t however, just the odd one here and there – but what it means is that the last blog I wrote (which happens to be a big old moan about Edinburgh Fringe Festival) I think somewhat leaves the readers with an idea that i’m just a big complainy complainerson – SO here is a blog where I don’t complain and tell you about all the fun things that have been happening recently without complaining or being cynical.

THC100 

So about a month ago I was made aware by a friend that I had been nominated to be shortlisted for an award, or something. Basically it was a good thing. Time Out, London had put me forward as a wildcard nomination to be part of a bigger list of people who were being recognised as the countries top movers and shakers in the arts industry. I was on a list with loads of ridiculously successful people and on the same day ironically, I found out this information whilst standing outside of McDonald’s using their free wifi as my phone had been cut off, again. Similarly, I also have recently been given a membership to a private members bar Shoreditch House yet can’t pay my rent? London is weird like that. Anyway… Last Monday was the ceremony. Here’s a picture of me at it:

I was the only person with sequins sewn on by hand there. I didn’t win the main award BUT having the nomination was nice and i’m sure it can’t help being printed in a magazine. My Mum is being sent a copy that will be added to her scrap book of my achievements – that’s the most important thing.

I knew I wouldn’t win. Number one reason why was I never win anything. 10 years of Disco Dancing and I never made it out of Starters – and number two reason why was to win the competition you had to get people to vote for you by adding their email to The Hospital Club’s mailing list. I did that to my contacts about 4 years ago when I made every single person I knew on Facebook vote for the venue I worked for to win Ellie Goulding to come and sing there. (we actually won btw – but that’s one win in 27 years.) So you could say I have burnt all of my mass spamming bridges, and while it would’ve been nice to win – it’s always better to win for real. That list was pretty immense. Have a look here. Although I just checked, I don’t appear on that list anymore but you can see the finalists. How depressing. Well a lovely evening was had by all, actor Iestyn Arwel took me out for expensive burgers upstairs. What a lovely man. Here’s his Red24 management page. I haven’t seen him perform yet but by all accounts i’ve heard he is a very good actor. Look, I know this part seems irrelevant and might have just lost me some readers BUT I feel so incredibly humbled and a little guilty for the food he bought me cause i’m pretty sure I was really quite pissed during the meal, that I feel it necessary to plug his acting abilities. Thanks Iestyn.

I had a great time bonding with my new managers, which is something I’ll discuss next. Here’s a picture with them. Well that’s the back of Catia’s head. She was busy running around meeting people whilst I stood and drank 11 glasses of champagne with Jillian, and both of us feeling incredibly glamourous in the white room that smelt of paint.

I’m not entirely sure who the dudes are in the back. I’m imagining they were ear wigging into my obviously hilarious yet intelligent discussion i’m having with my agents. Look at me. I look very informed there don’t I?

BIG INDUSTRY GROUP MANAGEMENT or BIGM UK

So about 5 months ago Jillian George Lewis aka Delores Deluxe of Volupte Lounge and Cabaret bar told me that she and another person, Royal Vauxhall Tavern’s Catia Ciarico would like to represent me in their new joint venture. Both ladies have an extensive knowledge and expertise in the comedy and cabaret world and have come together about a year ago with this new company.

Anyway what else has happened…Oh I went on tour around South Wales with Cwtch Cabaret. Met some great people on the cabaret circuit and went skinny dipping on Mwnt Beach, 8:30am with Chris Lynam and Kate Mckensie. That was nice.

I’m writing a new show at the moment for Edinburgh 2013. Even though it was a dramatic failure last year I still feel compelled to go because it seems like Edinburgh Fringe is like a mountain that keeps on getting taller at the same rate as you are trying to reach the top. Man i’m poetic. But i’m doing it again. Fuck knows with what, but let’s just say i’m expecting nothing except i’ll spend a fortune on curry and chips for 3 weeks.

What else has happened? … Oh yeah.

This isn’t performance related but it was funny nonetheless. This also recently happened when on a Megabus to Bristol.

5 year old boy on bus, parents downstairs: (10 mins of)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH burp.
Ooooh What’s this? (walks over to emergency stop button which is next to me) cooz me. What’s this button?
Jayde: I don’t know
Boy: Shall I touch it?
Jayde: Yes, lots.
(Presses button multiple times, coach stops everyone gets off)
Driver: who pressed the button?
Boy: (crying his eyes out and screaming) AHHHHHGGGHHHGGGHH

Mum: My son did, I’m sorry everyone.

Driver: why was he upstairs when you were downstairs? You gotta supervise yer kids on my bus or I’ll kick you off – my insurance doesn’t cover babysitting. Everyone back on.(Mum – embarrassed and boy – punished. Jayde and the coach gets quiet time.)

I’m watching Prison Break at the moment, and it’s subsequently turning me into a quick thinking genius.

Anyway i’m bored of myself now, this blog was a bit braggy I need to go and find some shit things to talk about and the cat is being emotionally needy. Until next time – unless you’re desperate to hear from me you can listen to my newest podcast right here or come to my FREE comedy night in E, London this Tuesday, more details here.
Other than that i’m spent. Off to feed the cat.
Oh and as always, sorry about the spelling and grammar. Secondary school was spent romancing boys who wouldn’t admit it and playing piano in the music room. Everything else was pointless.
Love Jayde x

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